the BIG BOOK BUNCH
Taking Step One
Version I 6/9/2000


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The BIG BOOK BUNCH

We are the Big Book Bunch group of Alcoholics Anonymous. Our origins are the Students of the Big Book group, which has met in Woodland Hills, California since December of 1985. Our goals are to live the spiritual process through which sobriety is obtained and enhanced, and to publish (at no charge) our experience for other recovering alcoholics. We have absolutely no affiliation with any organization or cause other than our membership as individuals in A.A..

Our written materials are not official AA literature. They usually do, nevertheless, contain information from the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous) and other conference approved literature owned and published by Alcoholics Anonymous. All A.A. material used identifies the source from which it is quoted. References in our documents to Big Book content exclude its stories. Included is all material from inside the front cover through page 164, plus Appendices I (Traditions) and II (Spiritual Experience).

You may reproduce materials of the Big Book Bunch, provided: a) that sources of materials (AA or the BBB) are identified, b) that no charge is made for the materials, and c) that they are not distributed by an organization or process that charges a fee. If you have corrections or improvements, please pass them on to us using the mailbox at the bottom.


Here are the steps we took:  1) We admitted we were powerless over alcohol — that our lives had become unmanageable.

That is what the authors of the Big Book and millions before you did.  To personalize the step for your study and action in the here and now, however, you may wish to rephrase it

Writing: Your writing will commence with laying out some facts about your drinking. The simplest way to do this is to begin with the last drinking bout, providing the information set forth below, then proceed in reverse chronology until no significant new facts are to be uncovered.
Your goal is to set forth evidence of the mental processes that led to the first drink, and that your physical, mental, and spiritual states are taken over and subjugated by alcohol when it is introduced into your body. For example:

1. On June 20, after 3 weeks of abstinence, I had a few beers with the crew after a really hot 10 hour Friday.

I drank because: I just had to cool off, to renew my relationships with my old drinking buddies, to forget my boss's threat to replace us if we didn't speed up, to check out the ladies at the Golden Suds, and to show my nagging Alanon wife that she couldn't control me all the time.

This is what happened: I had two or three pitchers, got in a fight with John Jones, told the boss's nephew he was a nerd, spent half of my paycheck on floozies in the bar (with no physical relief, either), suffered a black-out between midnight and bar closing, parked the car in the neighbor's front yard, was locked out of my bedroom, spent the weekend puking alone, had a horrible hangover on Monday, and was placed on suspension at work.

Did alcohol work for me? It seemed to cool me off for a few minutes, but none of the other results I had in mind happened. As usual, a number of other unanticipated things also happened, all of which were not wanted. No, it didn't work—again, and I am truly lucky that no permanent damage resulted.

2. The whole month of May was the total pits.

I drank because: It didn't occur to me that not drinking was an option. I just couldn't stand the nagging of the wife, and the looks of the kids. It was necessary, somehow to just shut them off. The only thing in life that was tolerable was pool at the Golden Suds with my pals—

Writing: Put down some thoughts/actions and vacancies/inactions that might lead you to doubt your capability to run your own life or the affairs of others. Examples might be:

I married my first wife because she liked to party. I divorced her because she couldn't hold her liquor. I made my oldest boy become a veterinarian because I liked horses. I got into steel working because it was dangerous. I socked my best friend because he voted for McGovern. I hate my step father because he wants to visit us every two years. My neighbor is weak because he is fat. I repair my own car because the local mechanic is an Arab. We installed a pool for partying. etc..

Many members of AA feel a need to write an Immoral inventory (as opposed to the moral inventory of Step 4). If you have such a need, get it out of your system here.

In the course of writing our terminal drinking experiences, we have discovered that answering these questions is helpful.

a. When I decided to take the first drink of that last drinking bout......

Had I answered the 20 questions suggested by Johns Hopkins Hospital? If so, what was my "score"?

Did I know that I had a problem with alcohol?

Was drinking habitual?

Did I have good reasons not to drink?

Was I aware of the reasons not to drink while I was deciding to drink?

Did I convince myself that I deserved a drink as a reward?

Did I expect the drink to work for me?

Did it work for me?

Was I optimistic about my future?

Did I have a sense of hopeless, dread or impending doom?

Did I consider myself worthy of a good life?

b. Was there a moment of clarity or a traumatic event that contributed to my not taking a next drink after the final bout ended?

In conclusion: It is more than likely that 85 - 95 % of your ideas and mental processes are right-on, and that the remainder will, as a minimum, get you or others into trouble. Our problem, it seems, is that we can't differentiate the good ideas from the

The principle of Step 1. A.A. is big on principles. (Look up "principle" in the dictionary.) In fact, the word appears 36 times in the Big Book. Just one instance is,

The principles we have set down are guides to progress. [Big Book page 60, line 10]

We try to distill each of the steps into its fundamental principle. What is the principle of Step 1? (Clue—it may be hopelessness. Would you believe, capitulation? or, could it be surrender?)

Obviously, there has to be more to recovery from alcoholism than admitting total defeat. Step 2 provides some hope.

SPONSOR/SPONSEE STEP ONE WORKSHEET
"We admitted that we were powerless over our addiction, that our lives had become unmanageable."

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The first mistake that many of us make when we come into the program, is that we think drugs are the problem. When we say to the newcomer that drugs are only a symptom of a much deeper problem (addiction), it is hard for them to understand this.

To get a better understanding of addiction, we must look at the disease concept of addiction. From that point of view, addiction is a disease of attitudes, personality and a general negative outlook, that is rooted in fear, insecurity and low self-esteem. The main ingredients of addiction are obsession and compulsions. Obsession - that fixed idea that takes us back time and time again to our particular drug, or some substitute, (substitute being anything that makes us feel good and get instant gratification, such as money, power, sex, food, anger, etc.) to recap the ease and comfort we once knew. Compulsion - once having started the process with one fix, one pill, one drink or one substitute we cannot stop through our own power of will. Because of our physical sensitivity to drugs and anything that makes us feel good we are completely in the grip of a destructive power greater than ourselves.

Looking at addiction from this point of view, we see how addiction makes our lives unmanageable with or without drugs. At this point we must surrender and accept how powerless we are over our addiction. When we do this a very strange thing happens, we begin to gain power through the (WE) part of the program and the next Eleven Steps. It has often been said that the First Step is our past and the things of our past that are with us today. And the next Eleven Steps are our future.

Now that we have a better understanding of

In the dictionary, look up and write out the definition of "powerless".
What does the word "were" mean as used in the 1st step.
What is "our addiction"?
Look through the 1st ten chapters of Basic Text and write down all definitions for addiction. (Stated or Implied)
What is the disease of addiction?
Why is being clean not enough?
How was my life unmanageable in my addiction?
How is my life unmanageable in recovery?
How do I apply the First Step in my life?
How are our Steps different than any other 12 Step program
Am I willing to accept the Steps as a way of life?
In the dictionary, look up and write out the definition of "addiction".
Write out how you were powerless over your addiction when using and in your recovery.
What does "had become" mean when used in the 1st Step?
In the dictionary, look up and write out the definition of "unmanageable."
Write out your definition of "unmanageable."
How was your life unmanageable when you were using and in recovery.
Who managed your life when using and who manages your life in recovery?
What does sponsorship have to do with the 1st Step?
Write out benefits of accepting your powerlessness over your addiction.
Write out the benefits of surrendering your life to N.A.
One last thing that must be pointed out is the WE portion of this Step and all our Steps. All our Steps begin with WE except the 12th, which has the word WE in the center. This makes us different than any other 12 Step program. Narcotics Anonymous is a WE program not a me program. Part of our strength and power comes from WE. Together we can. I can't, WE can. This is why we need meetings for the rest of our lives. This is why we need contact daily with other recovering addicts. A statement many newcomers may' ask is, "If I stop using,, I should be cured and I don't need the program or meetings anymore." The only way I know to clear up this denial is to answer this way. A non-addict (a non-addict is a person who does not hav

Dear stickmonkey,
Thanks a lot for your valuable posts.
Unfortunately, some of them are interrupted from some reason.
Is it possible to fix it?
Thank you.