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Looking for help - newly recognized addict! (Read 1998 times)
NW_GreenEyes
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Looking for help - newly recognized addict!
Nov 29th, 2009 at 11:25pm
 
Hello,

I am a 23-year old female who has just realized ... or I suppose, admitted, that I am a sex addict.

Like any stereotype of a sex addict, I was raped at a young age, and became sexually active early on. For the last ten years, I have continued to allow myself to be used by men. I don't blame them - because I set up sexual relationships without boundaries. I allow men to sleep with me without having emotional connections or committment. I was in a 3 1/2 year relationship in college and we were engaged to be married. When we broke up, I was excited to be single in a big city.

The excitement has worn off and I see I have a problem. In the last year, I have gotten great at lying; making men think I am ready for an NSA relationship, that I'm confident in my sexuality, and that they can do whatever they want to me.  When in reality I'm insecure and confused. I leave a man's apartment feeling great - but the second I get home and crawl into bed alone, I break down. I have regressed in my emotional openness and have become someone I don't even recognize.

Not only have the number of sexual partners increased, but the sex itself has become more and more risky. Definitely more rough and without protection.

At the same time, I have professionally and socially progressed. I'm a graduate student and successful freelance writer with tons of friends and a million opportunities ahead of me.

I'm scared that I won't ever find love again, won't ever be wife material, can't be a good girl anymore. Where did she go?

I'm considering SAA meetings, but I'm terrified. If someone is out there - anyone - who thinks they can help me, could be my support buddy, sending e-mails of support back and forth, that would be amazing. I'm just really scared to share this with much of anyone.

Thank you for reading and for understanding (I hope). I wish you all luck.
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NW_GreenEyes
 
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Rodz
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I Love Being Sober!

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Re: Looking for help - newly recognized addict!
Reply #1 - Jan 28th, 2011 at 11:05am
 
Im just glad that you decided to seek help, and this seems like a great place. I feel your pain. I was also sexually abused as a child and have a lifetime of "acting out" to deal with. I have been seeing a therapist and attending a 12 step program (SLAA). The only thing to fear is continuing in a behavior that can get you hurt, sick or worse. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
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