| We
Agnostics
In the preceding chapters you
have learned something of alcoholism. we hope we have made clear
the distinction between the alcoholic and the non-alcoholic. If,
when you honestly want to, you find you cannot quit entirely, or
if when drinking, you have little control over the amount you
take, you are probably alcoholic. If that be the case, you may be
suffering from an illness which only a spiritual experience will
conquer.
To one who feels he is an atheist
or agnostic such an experience seems impossible, but to continue
as he is means disaster, especially if he is an alcoholic of the
hopeless variety. To be doomed to an alcoholic death or to live on
a spiritual basis are not always easy alternatives to face.
But it isn't so difficult. About
half our original fellowship were of exactly that type. At first
some of us tried to avoid the issue, hoping against hope we were
not true alcoholics. But after a while we had to face the fact
that we must find a spiritual basis of life or else. Perhaps it is
going to be that way with you. But cheer up, something like half
of us thought we were atheists or agnostics. Our experience shows
that you need not be disconcerted.
If a mere code of morals or a
better philosophy of life were sufficient to overcome alcoholism,
many of us would have recovered long ago. But we found that such
codes and philosophies did not save us, no matter how much we
tried. We could wish to be moral, we could wish to be
philosophically comforted, in fact, we could will these things
with all our might, but the needed power wasn't there. Our human
resources, as marshalled by the will, were not sufficient; they
failed utterly.
Lack of power, that was our
dilemma. we had to find a power by which we could live, and it had
to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where
and how were we to find this Power?
Well, that's exactly what this
book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power
greater than yourself which will solve your problem. That means we
have written a book which we believe to be spiritual as well as
moral. And it means, of course, that we are going to talk about
God. Here difficulty arises with agnostics. Many times we talk to
a new man and watch his hope rise as we discuss his alcoholic
problems and explain our fellowship. But his face falls when we
speak of spiritual matters, especially when we mention God, for we
have re-opened a subject which our man thought he had neatly
evaded or entirely ignored.
We know how he feels. We have
shared his honest doubt and prejudice. Some of us have been
violently anti-religious. To others, the word "God"
brought up a particular idea of Him with which someone had tried
to impress them during childhood. Perhaps we rejected this
particular conception because it seemed inadequate. With that
rejection we imagined we had abandoned the God idea entirely. We
were bothered with the thought that faith and dependence upon a
Power beyond ourselves was somewhat weak, even cowardly. We looked
upon this world of warring individuals, warring theological
systems, and inexplicable calamity, with deep skepticism. We
looked askance at many individuals who claimed to be godly. How
could a Supreme Being have anything to do with it all? And who
could comprehend a Supreme Being anyhow? Yet, in other moments, we
found ourselves thinking, when enchanted by a starlit night,
"Who, then, made all this?" There was a feeling of awe
and wonder, but it was fleeting and soon lost.
Yes, we of agnostic temperament
have had these thoughts and experiences. Let us make haste to
reassure you. We found that as soon as we were able to lay aside
prejudice and express even a willingness to believe in a Power
greater than ourselves, we commenced to get results, even though
it was impossible for any of us to fully define or comprehend that
Power, which is God.
Much to our relief, we discovered
we did not need to consider another's conception of God. Our own
conception, however inadequate, was sufficient to make the
approach and to effect a contact with Him. As soon as we admitted
the possible existence of a Creative Intelligence, a Spirit of the
Universe underlying the totality of things, we began to be
possessed of a new sense of power and direction, provided we took
other simple steps. We found that God does not make too hard terms
with those who seek Him. To us, the Realm of Spirit is broad,
roomy, all inclusive; never exclusive or forbidding to those who
earnestly seek. It is open, we believe, to all men.
When, therefore, we speak to you
of God, we mean your own conception of God. This applies, too, to
other spiritual expressions which you find in this book. Do not
let any prejudice you may have against spiritual terms deter you
from honestly asking yourself what they mean to you. At the start,
this was all we needed to commence spiritual growth, to effect our
first conscious relation with God as we understood Him. Afterward,
we found ourselves accepting many things which then seemed
entirely out of reach. That was growth, but if we wished to grow
we had to begin somewhere. So we used our own conception, however
limited it was.
We needed to ask ourselves but
one short question. --"Do I now believe, or am I even willing
to believe, that there is a Power greater than myself?" As
soon as a man can say that he does believe, or is willing to
believe, we emphatically assure him that he is on his way. It has
been repeatedly proven among us that upon this simple cornerstone
a wonderfully effective spiritual structure can be built.*  That was great news to us, for we
had assumed we could not make use of spiritual principles unless
we accepted many things on faith which seemed difficult to
believe. When people presented us with spiritual approaches, how
frequently did we all say, "I wish I had what that man has.
I'm sure it would work if I could only believe as he believes. But
I cannot accept as surely true the many articles of faith which
are so plain to him." So it was comforting to learn that we
could commence at a simpler level.
Besides a seeming inability to
accept much on faith, we often found ourselves handicapped by
obstinacy, sensitiveness, and unreasoning prejudice. Many of us
have been so touchy that even casual reference to spiritual things
make us bristle with antagonism. This sort of thinking had to be
abandoned. Though some of us resisted, we found no great
difficulty in casting aside such feelings. Faced with alcoholic
destruction, we soon became as open minded on spiritual matters as
we had tried to be on other questions. In this respect alcohol was
a great persuader. It finally beat us into a state of
reasonableness. Sometimes this was a tedious process; we hope no
one else will prejudiced for as long as some of us were.
The reader may still ask why he
should believe in a Power greater than himself. We think there are
good reasons. Let us have a look at some of them.
The practical individual of today
is a stickler for facts and results. Nevertheless, the twentieth
century readily accepts theories of all kinds, provided they are
firmly grounded in fact. We have numerous theories, for example,
about electricity. Everybody believes them without a murmur of
doubt. Why this ready acceptance? Simply because it is impossible
to explain what we see, feel, direct, and use, without a
reasonable assumption as a starting point.
Everybody nowadays, believes in
scores of assumptions for which there is good evidence, but no
perfect visual proof. And does not science demonstrate that visual
proof is the weakest proof? It is being constantly revealed, as
mankind studies the material world, that outward appearances are
not inward reality at all. To illustrate:
The prosaic steel girder is a
mass of electrons whirling around each other at incredible speed.
These tiny bodies are governed by precise laws, and these laws
hold true throughout the material world, Science tells us so. We
have no reason to doubt it. When, however, the perfectly logical
assumption is suggested that underneath the material world and
life as we see it, there is an All Powerful, Guiding, Creative
Intelligence, right there our perverse streak comes to the surface
and we laboriously set out to convince ourselves it isn't so. We
read wordy books and indulge in windy arguments, thinking we
believe this universe needs no God to explain it. Were our
contentions true, it would follow that life originated out of
nothing, means nothing, and proceeds nowhere.
Instead of regarding ourselves as
intelligent agents, spearheads of God's ever advancing Creation,
we agnostics and atheists chose to believe that our human
intelligence was the last word, the alpha and the omega, the
beginning and end of all. Rather vain of us, wasn't it?
We, who have traveled this
dubious path, beg you to lay aside prejudice, even against
organized religion. We have learned that whatever the human
frailties of various faiths may be, those faiths have given
purpose and direction to millions. People of faith have a logical
idea of what life is all about. Actually, we used to have no
reasonable conception whatever. We used to amuse ourselves by
cynically dissecting spiritual beliefs and practices when we might
have observed that many spiritually-minded persons of all races,
colors, and creeds were demonstrating a degree of stability,
happiness and usefulness which we should have sought ourselves.
Instead, we looked at the human defects of these people, and
sometimes used their shortcomings as a basis of wholesale
condemnation. We talked of intolerance, while we were intolerant
ourselves. We missed the reality and the beauty of the forest
because we were diverted by the ugliness of some its trees. We
never gave the spiritual side of life a fair hearing.
In our personal stories you will
find a wide variation in the way each teller approaches and
conceives of the Power which is greater than himself. Whether we
agree with a particular approach or conception seems to make
little difference. Experience has taught us that these are matters
about which, for our purpose, we need not be worried. They are
questions for each individual to settle for himself.
On one proposition, however,
these men and women are strikingly agreed. Every one of them has
gained access to, and believe in, a Power greater than himself.
This Power has in each case accomplished the miraculous, the
humanly impossible. As a celebrated American statesman put it,
"Let's look at the record."
Here are thousands of men and
women, worldly indeed. They flatly declare that since they have
come to believe in a Power greater than themselves, to take a
certain attitude toward that Power, and to do certain simple
things. There has been a revolutionary change in their way of
living and thinking. In the face of collapse and despair, in the
face of the total failure of their human resources, they found
that a new power, peace, happiness, and sense of direction flowed
into them. This happened soon after they wholeheartedly met a few
simple requirements. Once confused and baffled by the seeming
futility of existence, they show the underlying reasons why they
were making heavy going of life. Leaving aside the drink question,
they tell why living was so unsatisfactory. They show how the
change came over them. When many hundreds of people are able to
say that the consciousness of the Presence of God is today the
most important fact of their lives, they present a powerful reason
why one should have faith.
This world of ours has made more
material progress in the last century than in all the millenniums
which went before. Almost everyone knows the reason. Students of
ancient history tell us that the intellect of men in those days
was equal to the best of today. Yet in ancient times, material
progress was painfully slow. The spirit of modern scientific
inquiry, research and invention was almost unknown. In the realm
of the material, men's minds were fettered by superstition,
tradition, and all sort of fixed ideas. Some of the contemporaries
of Columbus thought a round earth preposterous. Others came near
putting Galileo to death for his astronomical heresies.
We asked ourselves this: Are not
some of us just as biased and unreasonable about the realm of the
spirit as were the ancients about the realm of the material? Even
in the present century, American newspapers were afraid to print
an account of the Wright brothers' first successful flight at
Kittyhawk. Had not all efforts at flight failed before? Did not
Professor Langley's flying machine go to the bottom of the Potomac
River? Was it not true that the best mathematical minds had proved
man could never fly? Had not people said God had reserved this
privilege to the birds? Only thirty years later the conquest of
the air was almost an old story and airplane travel was in full
swing.
But in most fields our generation
has witnessed complete liberation in thinking. Show any
longshoreman a Sunday supplement describing a proposal to explore
the moon by means of a rocket and he will say, "I bet they do
it maybe not so long either." Is not our age characterized by
the ease with which we discard old ideas for new, by the complete
readiness with which we throw away the theory or gadget which does
not work for something new which does?
We had to ask ourselves why we
shouldn't apply to our human problems this same readiness to
change our point of view. We were having trouble with personal
relationships, we couldn't control our emotional natures, we were
a prey to misery and depression, we couldn't make a living, we had
a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy,
we couldn't seem to be of real help to other people was not a
basic solution of these bedevilments more important than whether
we should see newsreels of lunar flight? Of course it was.
When we saw others solve their
problems by a simple reliance upon the Spirit of the Universe, we
had to stop doubting the power of God. Our ideas did not work. But
the God idea did.
The Wright brothers' almost
childish faith that they could build a machine which would fly was
the mainspring of their accomplishment. Without that, nothing
could have happened. We agnostics and atheists were sticking to
the idea that self- sufficiency would solve our problems. When
others showed us that "God-sufficiency worked with them, we
began to feel like those who had insisted the Wrights would never
fly.
Logic is great stuff. We like it.
We still like it. It is not by chance we were given the power to
reason, to examine the evidence of our sense, and to draw
conclusions. That is one of man's magnificent attributes. We
agnostically inclined would not feel satisfied with a proposal
which does not lend itself to reasonable approach and
interpretation. Hence we are at pains to tell why we think our
present faith is reasonable, why we think it more sane and logical
to believe than not to believe, why we say our former thinking was
soft and mushy when we threw up our hands in doubt and said,
"We don't know."
When we became alcoholics,
crushed by a self-imposed crises we could not postpone or evade,
we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is
everything or else He is nothing. God either is or He isn't. What
was our choice to be?
Arrived at this point, we were
squarely confronted with the question of faith. We couldn't duck
the issue. Some of us had already walked far over the Bridge of
Reason toward the desired shore of faith. The outlines and the
promise of the New Land had brought lustre to tired eyes and fresh
courage to flagging spirits. Friendly hands had stretched out in
welcome. We were grateful that Reason had brought us so far. But
somehow, we couldn't quite step ashore. Perhaps we had been
leaning too heavily on reason that last mile and we did not like
to lose our support.
That was natural, but let us
think a little more closely. Without knowing it, had we not been
brought to where we stood by a certain kind of faith? For did we
not believe in our own reasoning? did we not have confidence in
our ability to think? What was that but a sort of faith? Yes, we
had been faithful, abjectly faithful to the God of Reason. So, in
one way or another, we discovered that faith had been involved all
the time!
We found, too, that we had been
worshippers. What a state of mental goose-flesh that used to bring
on! Had we not variously worshipped people, sentiment, things,
money, and ourselves? And then, with a better motive, had we not
worshipfully beheld the sunset, the sea, or a flower? Who of us
had not loved something or somebody? How much did these feelings,
these loves, these worships, have to do with pure reason? Little
or nothing, we saw at last. Were not these things the tissue out
of which our lives were constructed? Did not these feelings, after
all, determine the course of our existence? It was impossible to
say we had no capacity for faith, or love, or worship. In one form
or another we had been living by faith and little else.
Imagine life without faith! Were
nothing left but pure reason, it wouldn't be life. But we believed
in life of course we did. We could not prove life in the sense
that you can prove a straight line is the shortest distance
between two points, yet, there it was. Could we still say the
whole thing was nothing but a mass of electrons, created out of
nothing, meaning nothing, whirling on to a destiny of nothingness?
Or course we couldn't. The electrons themselves seemed more
intelligent than that. At least, so the chemist said.
Hence, we saw that reason isn't
everything. Neither is reason, as most of us use it, entirely
dependable, thought it emanate from our best minds. What about
people who proved that man could never fly? Yet we had been seeing
another kind of flight, a spiritual liberation from this world,
people who rose above their problems. They said God made these
things possible, and we only smiled. We had seen spiritual
release, but liked to tell ourselves it wasn't true.
Actually we were fooling
ourselves, for deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the
fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp,
by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there.
For faith in a Power greater than ourselves, and miraculous
demonstrations of that power in human lives, are facts as old as
man himself.
We finally saw that faith in some
kind of God was a part of our make-up, just as much as the feeling
we have for a friend. Sometimes we had to search fearlessly, but
He was there. He was as much a fact as we were. We found the Great
Reality deep down within us. In the last analysis it is only there
that He may be found. It was so with us.
We can only clear the ground a
bit. If our testimony helps sweep away prejudice, enables you to
think honestly, encourages you to search diligently within
yourself, then, if you wish, you can join us on the Broad Highway.
With this attitude you cannot fail. the consciousness of your
belief is sure to come to you.
In this book you will read the
experience of a man who thought he was an atheist. His story is so
interesting that some of it should be told now. His change of
heart was dramatic, convincing, and moving. Our friend was a
minister's son. He attended church school, where he became
rebellious at what he thought an overdose of religious education.
For years thereafter he was dogged by trouble and frustration.
Business failure, insanity, fatal illness, suicide these
calamities in his immediate family embittered and depressed him.
Post-war disillusionment, ever more serious alcoholism, impending
mental and physical collapse, brought him to the point to
self-destruction.
One night, when confined in a
hospital, he was approached by an alcoholic who had known a
spiritual experience. Our friend's gorge rose as he bitterly cried
out: "If there is a God, He certainly hasn't done anything
for me!" But later, alone in his room, he asked himself this
question: "Is it possible that all the religious people I
have known are wrong?" While pondering the answer he felt as
though he lived in hell. Then, like a thunderbolt, a great thought
came. It crowded out all else:
"Who are you to say there
is no God?"
This man recounts that he tumbled
out of bed to his knees. In a few seconds he was overwhelmed by a
conviction of the Presence of God. It poured over and through him
with the certainty and majesty of a great tide at flood. The
barriers he had built through the years were swept away. He stood
in the Presence of Infinite Power and Love. He had stepped from
bridge to shore. For the first time, he lived in conscious
companionship with his Creator.
Thus was our friend's cornerstone
fixed in place. No later vicissitude has shaken it. His alcoholic
problem was taken away. That very night, years ago, it
disappeared. Save for a few brief moments of temptation the though
of drink has never returned; and at such times a great revulsion
has risen up in him. Seemingly he could not drink even if he
would. God had restored his sanity.
What is this but a miracle of
healing? Yet its elements are simple. Circumstances made him
willing to believe. He humbly offered himself to his Maker then he
knew.
Even so has God restored us all
to our right minds. To this man, the revelation was sudden. Some
of us grow into it more slowly. But He has come to all who have
honestly sought Him.
When we drew near to Him He
disclosed Himself to us!
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