| How
It Works
Rarely have we seen a person fail
who has thoroughly followed our path. Those who do not recover are
people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this
simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally
incapable of being honest with themselves. There are such
unfortunates. They are not at fault; they seem to have been born
that way. They are naturally incapable of grasping and developing
a manner of living which demands rigorous honesty. Their chances
are less than average.
There are those, too, who suffer
from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do
recover if they have the capacity to be honest.
Our stories disclose in a general
way what we used to be like, what happened, and what we are like
now. If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to
go to any length to get it -- then you are ready to take certain
steps.
At some of these we balked.
thought we could find an easier, softer way. But we could not.
With all the earnestness at our command, we beg of you to be
fearless and thorough from the very start. Some of us have tried
to hold on to our old ideas and the result was nil until we let go
absolutely.
Remember that we deal with
alcohol, cunning, baffling, powerful! Without help it is too much
for us. But there is One who has all power that One is God. May
you find Him now!
Half measures availed us nothing.
We stood at the turning point. we asked His protection and care
with complete abandon.
Here are the steps we took, which
are suggested as a program of recovery:
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- We admitted we
were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had
become unmanageable.
- Came to believe
that a Power greater than ourselves could restore
us to sanity.
- Made a decision to
turn our will and our lives over to the care of
God as we understood Him.
- Made a searching
and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
- Admitted to God,
to ourselves, and to another human being the exact
nature of our wrongs.
- Were entirely
ready to have God remove all these defects of
character.
- Humbly asked Him
to remove our shortcomings.
- Made a list of all
persons we had harmed, and became willing to make
amends to them all.
- Made direct amends
to such people wherever possible, except when to
do so would injure them or others.
- Continued to take
personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly
admitted it.
- Sought through
prayer and meditation to improve our conscious
contact with God as we understood Him,
praying only for knowledge of His will for us and
the power to carry that out.
- Having had a
spiritual awakening as the result of these steps,
we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and
to practice these principles in all our affairs.
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Many of us exclaimed,
"What an order! I can't go through with it." Do not
be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain
anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are
not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along
spiritual lines. The principles we have set down are guides to
progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual
perfection.
Our description of the
alcoholic, the chapter to the agnostic, and our personal
adventure before and after make clear three pertinent ideas:
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| |
(a) |
That
we were alcoholic and could not manage our own
lives. |
| (b) |
That
probably no human power could have relieved our
alcoholism. |
| (c) |
That
God could and would if He were sought. |
Being convinced, we
were at Step Three, which is that we decided to turn
our will and our life over to God as we understood Him.
Just what do we mean by that, and just what do we do?
The first requirement is
that we be convinced that any life run on self-will can
hardly be a success. On that basis we are almost always in
collision with something or somebody, even though our
motives are good. Most people try to live by
self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to
run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the
lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the
players in his own way. If his arrangements would only
stay put, if only people would do as he wished, the show
would be great. Everybody, including himself, would be
pleased. Life would be wonderful. In trying to make these
arrangements our actor may sometimes be quite virtuous. He
may be kind, considerate, patient, generous; even modest
and self-sacrificing. On the other hand, he may be mean,
egotistical, selfish and dishonest. But, as with most
humans, he is more likely to have varied traits.
What usually happens? The
show doesn't come off very well. He begins to think life
doesn't treat him right. He decides to exert himself more.
He becomes, on the next occasion, still more demanding or
gracious, as the case may be. Still the play does not suit
him. Admitting he may be somewhat at fault, he is sure
that other people are more to blame. He becomes angry,
indignant, self-pitying. What is his basic trouble? Is he
not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind? Is
he not a victim of the delusion that he can wrest
satisfaction and happiness out of this world if he only
manages well? Is it not evident to all the rest of the
players that these are the things he wants? And do not his
actions make each of them wish to retaliate, snatching all
they can get out of the show? Is he not, even in his best
moments, a producer of confusion rather than harmony?
Our actor is
self-centered, ego-centric, as people like to call it
nowadays. He is like the retired business man who lolls in
the Florida sunshine in the winter complaining of the sad
state of the nation; the minister who sighs over the sins
of the twentieth century; politicians and reformers who
are sure all would be Utopia if the rest of the world
would only behave; the outlaw safe cracker who thinks
society has wronged him; and the alcoholic who has lost
all and is locked up. Whatever our protestations, are not
most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or
our self-pity?
Selfishness,
self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our
troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear,
self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the
toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they
hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably
find that at some time in the past we have made decisions
based on self which later placed us in a position to be
hurt.
So our troubles, we
think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of
ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of
self-will run riot, though he usually doesn't think so.
Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this
selfishness. We must, or it kill us! God makes that
possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting
rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and
philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up
to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could
we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying
on our own power. We had to have God's help.
This is the how and the
why of it. First of all, we had to quit playing God. It
didn't work. Next, we decided that hereafter in this drama
of life, God was going to be our Director. He is the
Principal; we are His agents. He is the Father, and we are
His children. Most Good ideas are simple, and this concept
was the keystone of the new and triumphant arch through
which we passed to freedom.
When we sincerely took
such a position, all sorts of remarkable things followed.
We had a new Employer. Being all powerful, He provided
what we needed, if we kept close to Him and performed His
work well. Established on such a footing we became less
and less interested in ourselves, our own little plans and
designs. More and more we became interested in seeing what
we could contribute to life. As we felt new power flow in,
as we enjoyed peace of mind, as we discovered we could
face life successfully, as we became conscious of His
presence, we began to lose our fear of today, tomorrow or
the hereafter. We were reborn.
We were now at Step Three. Many of us said to our
Maker, as we understood Him: "God, I offer myself to
Thee -- to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt.
Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do
Thy will. Take away my difficulties, that victory over
them may bear witness to those I would help of Thy Power,
Thy Love, and Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will
always!" We thought well before taking this step
making sure we were ready; that we could at last abandon
ourselves utterly to Him.  We found it very
desirable to take this spiritual step with an
understanding person, such as our wife, best friend, or
spiritual adviser. But it is better to meet God alone than
with one who might misunderstand. The wording was, of
course, quite optional so long as we expressed the idea,
voicing it without reservation. This was only a beginning,
though if honestly and humbly made, an effect, sometimes a
very great one, was felt at once.
Next we launched out on a
course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a
personal housecleaning, which many of us had never
attempted. Though our decision was vital and crucial step,
it could have little permanent effect unless at once
followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of,
the things in ourselves which had been blocking us. Our
liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes
and conditions.
Therefore, we started
upon a personal inventory. This was Step Four. A
business which takes no regular inventory usually goes
broke. Taking commercial inventory is a fact-finding and a
fact-facing process. It is an effort to discover the truth
about the stock-in-trade. One object is to disclose
damaged or unsalable goods, to get rid of them promptly
and without regret. If the owner of the business is to be
successful, he cannot fool himself about values.
We did exactly the same
thing with our lives. We took stock honestly. First, we
searched out the flaws in our make-up which caused our
failure. Being convinced that self, manifested in various
ways, was what had defeated us, we considered its common
manifestations.
Resentment is the
"number one" offender. It destroys more
alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of
spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and
physically ill, we have been spiritually sick. When the
spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally
and physically. In dealing with resentments, we set them
on paper. We listed people, institutions or principle with
who we were angry. We asked ourselves why we were angry.
In most cases it was found that our self-esteem, our
pocketbooks, our ambitions, our personal relationships,
(including sex) were hurt or threatened. So we were sore.
We were "burned up." On our grudge list we set
opposite each name our injuries. Was it our self-esteem,
our security, our ambitions, our personal, or sex
relations, which had been interfered with? We were usually
as definite as this example:
|
| I'm
resentful at: |
The
cause: |
Affects
my: |
| Mr.
Brown |
His
attention to my wife.
Told my wife of my mistress.
Brown may get my job at the office. |
Sex
relations
Self-esteem (fear) |
| Mrs.
Jones |
She's
a nut -- she snubbed me.
She committed her husband for drinking.
He's my friend.
She's a gossip. |
Personal
relationship.
Self-esteem (fear) |
| My
employer |
Unreasonable
--
Unjust --
Overbearing --
Threatens to fire me for my drinking and
padding my expense account. |
Self-esteem
(fear)
Security. |
| My
wife |
Misunderstands
and nags.
Likes Brown.
Wants house put in her name. |
Pride
Personal sex relations
Security (fear) |
We went back through
our lives. Nothing counted but thoroughness and
honesty. When we were finished we considered it
carefully. The first thing apparent was that this
world and its people were often quite wrong. To
conclude that others were wrong was as far as most of
us ever got. The usual outcome was that people
continued to wrong us and we stayed sore. Sometimes it
was remorse and then we were sore at ourselves. But
the more we fought and tried to have our own way, the
worse matters got. As in war, the victor only seemed
to win. Our moments of triumph were short-lived.
It is plain that a
life which includes deep resentment leads only to
futility and unhappiness. To the precise extent that
we permit these, do we squander the hours that might
have been worth while. But with the alcoholic, whose
hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual
experience, this business of resentment is infinitely
grave. We found that it is fatal. For when harboring
such feeling we shut ourselves off from the sunlight
of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we
drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.
If we were to live,
we had to be free of anger. The grouch and the
brainstorm were not for us. They may be the dubious
luxury of normal men, but for alcoholics these things
are poison.
We turned back to the
list, for it held the key to the future. We were
prepared to look for it from an entirely different
angle. We began to see that the world and its people
really dominated us. In that state, the wrong-doing of
others, fancied or real, had power to actually kill.
How could we escape? We saw that these resentments
must be mastered, but how? We could not wish them away
any more than alcohol.
This was our course:
We realized that the people who wronged us were
perhaps spiritually sick. Though we did not like their
symptoms and the way these disturbed us, they, like
ourselves, were sick too. We asked God to help us show
them the same tolerance, pity, and patience that we
would cheerfully grant a sick friend. When a person
offended we said to ourselves, "This is a sick
man. How can I be helpful to him? God save me from
being angry. Thy will be done."
We avoid retaliation
or argument. We wouldn't treat sick people that way.
If we do, we destroy our chance of being helpful. We
cannot be helpful to all people, but at least God will
show us how to take a kindly and tolerant view of each
and every one.
Referring to our list
again. Putting out of our minds the wrongs others had
done, we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where
had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking and
frightened? Though a situation had not been entirely
our fault, we tried to disregard the other person
involved entirely. Where were we to blame? The
inventory was ours, not the other man's. When we saw
our faults we listed them. We placed them before us in
black and white. We admitted our wrongs honestly and
were willing to set these matters straight.
Notice that the word
"fear" is bracketed alongside the
difficulties with Mr. Brown, Mrs. Jones, the employer,
and the wife. This short word somehow touches about
every aspect of our lives. It was an evil and
corroding thread; the fabric of our existence was shot
through with it. It set in motion trains of
circumstances which brought us misfortune we felt we
didn't deserve. But did not we, ourselves, set the
ball rolling? Sometimes we think fear ought to be
classed with stealing. It seems to cause more trouble.
We reviewed our fears
thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had
no resentment in connection with them. We asked
ourselves why we had them. Wasn't it because
self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far
as it went, but it didn't go far enough. Some of us
once had great self-confidence, but it didn't fully
solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us
cocky, it was worse.
Perhaps there is a
better way, we think so. For we are now on a different
basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust
infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in
the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the
extent that we do as we think He would have us, and
humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match
calamity with serenity.
We never apologize to
anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at
those who think spirituality the way of weakness.
Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict
of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of
faith have courage. They trust their God. We never
apologize for God. Instead we let Him demonstrate,
through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our
fear and direct our attention to what He would have us
be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear.
Now about sex. Many
of needed an overhauling there. But above all, we
tried to be sensible on this question. It's so easy to
get way off the track. Here we find human opinions
running to extremes -- absurd extremes, perhaps. One
set of voices cry that sex is a lust of our lower
nature, a base necessity of procreation.
Then we have the
voices who cry for sex and more sex; who bewail the
institution of marriage; who think that most of the
troubles of the race are traceable to sex causes. They
think we do not have enough of it, or that it isn't
the right kind. They see its significance everywhere.
One school would allow man no flavor for his fare and
the other would have us all on a straight pepper diet.
We want to stay out of this controversy. We do not
want to be the arbiter of anyone's sex conduct. We all
have sex problems. We'd hardly be human if we didn't.
What can we do about them?
We reviewed our own
conduct over the years past. Where had we been
selfish, dishonest, or inconsiderate? Whom had we
hurt? Did we unjustifiably arouse jealousy, suspicion
or bitterness? Where were we at fault, what should we
have done instead? We got this all down on paper and
looked at it.
In this way we tried
to shape a sane and sound ideal for our future sex
life. We subjected each relation to this test -was it
selfish or not? We asked God to mold our ideals and
help us to live up to them. We remembered always that
our sex powers were God-given and therefore good,
neither to be used lightly or selfishly nor to be
despised and loathed.
Whatever our ideal
turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it.
We must be willing to make amends where we have done
harm, provided that we do not bring about still more
harm in so doing. In other words, we treat sex as we
would any other problem. In meditation, we ask God
what we should do about each specific matter. The
right answer will come, if we want it.
God alone can judge
our sex situation. Counsel with persons is often
desirable, but we let God be the final judge. We
realize that some people are as fanatical about sex as
others are loose. We avoid hysterical thinking or
advice.
Suppose we fall short
of the chosen ideal and stumble? Does this mean we are
going to get drunk. Some people tell us so. But this
is only a half-truth. It depends on us and on our
motives. If we are sorry for what we have done, and
have the honest desire to let God take us to better
things, we believe we will be forgiven and will have
learned our lesson. If we are not sorry, and our
conduct continues to harm others, we are quite sure to
drink. We are not theorizing. These are facts out of
our experience.
To sum up about sex:
We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in
each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the
strength to do the right thing. If sex is very
troublesome, we throw ourselves the harder into
helping others. We think of their needs and work for
them. This takes us out of ourselves. It quiets the
imperious urge, when to yield would mean heartache.
If we have been
thorough about our personal inventory, we have written
down a lot. We have listed and analyzed our
resentments. We have begun to comprehend their
futility and their fatality. We have commenced to see
their terrible destructiveness. We have begun to learn
tolerance, patience and good will toward all men, even
our enemies, for we look on them as sick people. We
have listed the people we have hurt by our conduct,
and are willing to straighten out the past if we can.
In this book you read
again and again that faith did for us what we could
not do for ourselves. We hope you are convinced now
that God can remove whatever self-will has blocked you
off from Him. If you have already made a decision, and
an inventory of your grosser handicaps, you have made
a good beginning. That being so you have swallowed and
digested some big chunks of truth about yourself.
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